Money Anxiety

I watched a Little House on the Prairie episode last night where Pa decides to join the gold rush. Within three hours he's found a nugget and their lifestyle changes drastically to keep the family safe. But Pa watches as others with nuggets discover how unsafe the gold can be. One gets killed trying to protect his stash from robbers. Another dies remembering his own greed that took him away from quality time with his wife before she died. And throughout, the theme was, the more people have, the more they get "gold fever."

While I complain about my salary, I have had enough to live -- to put a roof over my family's head, to put food on the table, and to pay most of my bills. And while I get frustrated when credit card bills are high, it's because I got greedy and over-used them. And when I get frustrated that student loans come due, I have access to a phone and a sense of reasoning to tell them that I can make a minimal payment every month. And when I think I have nothing to give, I can give an offering of something to the church and I can share a meal with someone who may be lonely.

The thing is, I frequently get "gold fever," but it is because I want to break even and pay off my own stupid-debts. (Dave Ramsey calls it stupid tax!) But I also know myself and the fact that if more were to come my way I'd have an awful hard time using it properly. I'm a victim of a parable. For if I do not use what I have wisely, what good would it be to have more and squander it? And since I'm a pastor, I wonder if that is also a parable for the modern church. If we save all of the "extra" we have, how will the blessings start that can continue when we have more. We have to give it away in order to be a blessing to others.

As I've rambled, my money anxiety has diminished. I see I have power in this situation -- the power to share what I have and to wisely use what I have. I have the power to do away with credit and return from the gold rush to my little house in the swamp. I don't need to keep up with the Jones' and my kids are blessed with two sets of grandparents who help out with fun activities for them. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to a trip to Sea World this weekend, where I've paid for the tickets AND the hotel room with cash. ;o)