Dealing with Stress

Over the past couple of days, I have heard numerous complaints about one particular member of the congregation. It seems she's doing everybody else's work. And while it's nice to have a do-er, it's no good to have a usurper. The things she's doing are little things, and are probably pretty petty to complain about -- things like paying the guest musician instead of allowing the committee chair to pay her, writing a thank you to helpers instead of letting the chair do it, etc. Normally we in the church say THANK YOU to those who step in and get work done. But the problem is, in doing so she's taking away from the ability of others to learn how to work in the church. She is already chair of the deacons so she has plenty to do, yet she oversees the secretary's work (hovering) and steps in other places making it difficult for people to want to do their work. Enter the pastor. Normally I could easily address the issues with the super-woman, but not this time. She's a woman with some very interesting connections in the church and a direct conversation would be quite difficult. So today she came in my office with yet another idea about something someone else should be doing and I asked her how life was. Everything started out hunky-dory and then she reminded me that her best friend from childhood was dying. And then I understood. She's keeping herself over-busy so she doesn't have to face the stress of losing her best friend. And in knowing that I think I can handle her constant frittering a little better. Sure, she'll still step on toes, but I can be sensitive to what's really going on while redirecting her work. We all deal with stress in our own ways. I just hope to figure out how best to help her confront her stress in a little more healthy way soon. Ideas welcome.