Hurt Feelings

Please add to the pastor's job description: "peacemaker when people's feelings are hurt . . ." because in a church they WILL be hurt.

In tonight's committee meeting, one 80 year old stringently objected to celebrating communion by intinction (dipping the bread in the juice/wine) because Jesus celebrated it around a table. When we mentioned that even when we pass the communion elements around in little cups and tiny squares of bread we're not around the table either, she seemed to think it was more like the way Jesus celebrated it. If I remember correctly, they were celebrating Passover which included more than just flat bread and wine. Anyway, so I had to be peacemaker and make sure that it was noted in the minutes that Person X disagreed with intinction.

At the same meeting another woman got her feelings hurt because the chair of the committee mentioned that she didn't like how something was done in worship and it just so happened that this other woman was the one who had volunteered to do it when it was not done well enough. Ouch! So I invited the hurt-feelings-woman into my office with the door closed so she could cry about not being appreciated.

And so this is the church. A bunch of people with different opinions all wanting to do God's work in the way they assume is best while hurting other people in the process. I have to believe that we are the very people God-so-loved.

When Will We Settle Down?

I guess part of the problem with living in a small town is that you either always want "out" or you feel that you have "settled" or you make the decision that this will be where you put down your roots and make a name for yourself. I desparately want to settle down. I want to put down roots. I've been fighting it for four years now as I've wondered "How long, O Lord? How long?" How long must I endure older people and the absence of culture? How long must I endure ignorance and the absence of others who care about education? But then, I began to realize what WAS here -- small town friendships, where neighbors still look out for one another, affordable housing (or at least more affordable housing), churches that are more concerned with relationships than with boasting the prettiest chandelier, and the simple joys of small town parades, county fairs, weekend flea markets, and local agriculture. And so there's a big part of me that is yearning to stay, to settle down, to work toward my own goals in small town USA. But I can't make the decision myself, so knowing that it's not only my decision, I wonder if I SHOULD put down roots and live in the moment, for it's all we have anyway, or if I should anticipate a leaving date. Even though I'd love to get old and travel an RV around the country, I don't think that transitory living is really my style. I like to connect with people and make lasting friendships. Church jobs don't always allow for that, but still I hope for such a place and time. I just want to stay put.

Emotions Unplugged

So I went to Sea World this weekend with my girls. They had a cheer competition there so I only needed to buy my own ticket. We upgraded their tickets for an extra $10 and now ALL of us can go to Sea World ALL year without having to pay more than parking! It was a great weekend. The girls placed 3rd out of 8 teams! We're REALLY proud of them! There were some AWESOME teams there so placing 3rd was really making a name for themselves. Their team is just getting really close this year, and for a group of 6-8 year old girls, getting close is a big deal. They trust each other and get along and have fun together. Makes a mama proud.

Anyway, I noticed my emotions were way out of check this weekend. Here I am, sitting with my 6 year old in my lap, watching Shamu and I start to tear up like I'm about to cry! Where did that come from? They began the show by asking all veterans & families of soldiers from the US & our allies to stand so they could recognize those who had served the country and usually I don't "feel" anything for that, but suddenly I was struck by the fact that many who stood had relatives who were overseas or who had died and that a lot of families would forever be different because of this experience. Then I got teary-eyed for the families of those who arent' our allies who are also losing family members to war. Then I got teary eyed when they invited a 6 year old to feed Shamu and I began to wonder if the 6 year old was with the Make a Wish Foundation and he may never get to grow up to fulfill his dream of being a police officer and each one of these things made my nose all tickly-prickly and my eyes watery. Meanwhile, my daughter was playing with her new 2 inch stuffed dolphin as if it was the best thing in the world and I was overcome by love for my own children.

All in all it was a fun park -- lots of great shows and wonderful wild animals, a great conservationist approach to everything, lots of educators on hand, and plenty of family time. I definitely recommend January in Florida for visits like this -- NO lines! and cool weather.

Money Anxiety

I watched a Little House on the Prairie episode last night where Pa decides to join the gold rush. Within three hours he's found a nugget and their lifestyle changes drastically to keep the family safe. But Pa watches as others with nuggets discover how unsafe the gold can be. One gets killed trying to protect his stash from robbers. Another dies remembering his own greed that took him away from quality time with his wife before she died. And throughout, the theme was, the more people have, the more they get "gold fever."

While I complain about my salary, I have had enough to live -- to put a roof over my family's head, to put food on the table, and to pay most of my bills. And while I get frustrated when credit card bills are high, it's because I got greedy and over-used them. And when I get frustrated that student loans come due, I have access to a phone and a sense of reasoning to tell them that I can make a minimal payment every month. And when I think I have nothing to give, I can give an offering of something to the church and I can share a meal with someone who may be lonely.

The thing is, I frequently get "gold fever," but it is because I want to break even and pay off my own stupid-debts. (Dave Ramsey calls it stupid tax!) But I also know myself and the fact that if more were to come my way I'd have an awful hard time using it properly. I'm a victim of a parable. For if I do not use what I have wisely, what good would it be to have more and squander it? And since I'm a pastor, I wonder if that is also a parable for the modern church. If we save all of the "extra" we have, how will the blessings start that can continue when we have more. We have to give it away in order to be a blessing to others.

As I've rambled, my money anxiety has diminished. I see I have power in this situation -- the power to share what I have and to wisely use what I have. I have the power to do away with credit and return from the gold rush to my little house in the swamp. I don't need to keep up with the Jones' and my kids are blessed with two sets of grandparents who help out with fun activities for them. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to a trip to Sea World this weekend, where I've paid for the tickets AND the hotel room with cash. ;o)

I Am A Florida Citizen

I've lived in Florida for the past 3 years and 10 months. I've not been too happy about it most of the time. While I've enjoyed returning to the land of my birth, I've trully had an internal struggle about settling here for time without end. Granted, I know that at any time things could change and I could decide to move elsewhere, but the truth of the matter is that after almost four years of living in FL, I've decided it's time to settle down for awhile. I can't live day to day wondering if I am going to stay or go. So yesterday I got my FL driver's license. I know, I know, legally I was supposed to have done that within a few weeks of moving here, but I truly didn't feel like I was "here." So now I've taken the first step, not only making it legal, but also feeling OK about it inside. As an added bonus, I get to go to Sea World this weekend using the FL residents rates! Woohoo! The next step is whether or not to buy a house. It's a buyer's market right now, but the prices are still astronomical for my small salary. My rent is REALLY good for here and the landlords are good enough to take care of all maintenance and keep our rent the same. Finding the perfect house that will also be cost-effective is difficult to say the least. So I'm wondering about that. It would help if my dh had a job, but as he's in school we're pinching pennies. I just really like the thought of "equity." Hmmmm . . . So anyway, I just wanted to share that I'm finally settling in. I spoke to a pastor in CA who said it took him a good 3-4 years to decide he would stay there. He's now been there over 30 years (at the same church!!!!) May God work miracles here so that change can come.

It's Not Easy Being . . . chocolate-less

Today is day 3 for my 6 year old to be without chocolate. I even took away hot chocolate. I really like my daughter without the brown stuff. Sure, she still complains when her big sister doesn't live according to her rules, but she's not throwing temper tantrums. Today, the sitter said that she sat and completed all of her homework without complaining or getting up and getting sidetracked. We're going to have to be creative when Feb. 14 rolls around, but I think it can be done. After all, we don't eat a ton of candy here, just enough. We still have Halloween candy around and Christmas candy. (I think it's time to toss it!)

I'm dealing with other issues with my 8 year old. She spent all day yesterday in pre-pubescent turmoil. When I was 8 hormones hadn't entered the picture yet, but according to studies, girls are developing MUCH EARLIER than when I was a little girl. A friend of mine told me yesterday she noticed "buds" on her 7 year old and went out and bought her a bra-let. I had to buy deodorant for my oldest when she was 6. And while people blame it on the growth hormones in food, I have another friend who has never given her child anything that wasn't organically grown and it's been completely vegetarian, yet here is her 10 year old entering puberty. There's something in the genetic pool or the air or something that is lowering our biological age of reproduction and it's really freaky. So anyway, I'm trying to figure out how to care like a loving mom for my little girl when she's got big girl feelings and emotions, not to mention how to help other adults do the same.

MLK, Church, and Chocolate

The girls and I took the morning to study some equal rights history this morning. We covered Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, and Ruby Bridges via some really GREAT picture books. We also took a look at Malcolm X via picture book, but he's difficult to understand, even in picture books. It was nice to share this part of my daughters' education, though. My oldest noted that SHE wasn't responsible for how people were treated back then and we began to discuss how even now, because of the mistreatment in the past, she would still have to be aware of her responsibility when it came to treating others equally. It was good stuff. We even got into a discussion of what it means to "turn the other cheek" which is definitely important in this family.

Anyway, I had planned for the childrens' program this afternoon at church even though it was a holiday for the public schools. My regulars came, but one of their grandmothers, also a helper, stated that she really didn't like having church events on days there is no school. To be perfectly honest, I just don't know why I even try. It annoyed me tremendously. Then again, she frequently does because she just doesn't seem to get WHY we have a kids' program anyway. (And she was on the committee who hired me because they liked my ideas for kids. Grrr . . . .)

And finally to wrap up my thoughts for the day, I've about decided my youngest can NOT have chocolate. I know it's a cruel thing to tell a kid (or even an adult), but I swear she turns into a different child when those chemicals enter her system. She can't concentrate, she cries, and she just turns mean. I'm trying to help her see how it affects her and I think she's starting to understand cause and effect, but it's difficult rationalizing the absence of chocolate to a 6 year old.

Enough for now.

Fisherman Poser

I did something different this weekend -- I took one of the women in my church on a spiritual retreat. She had some really big questions to weed through and I wanted to see how being the spiritual director fit me. I enjoyed it, though it was exhausting and seriously intense. Guess that's part of the leadership thing -- I had to be thinking in a deep way for 2 days straight. We took a break to wander around Borders for a few hours and that loosened me up a bit, but WOW it was intense. So anyway, one of the stories she shared with me really spoke to me. She said that after her mother had died, she would go down to the lake to sit and meditate. But constantly, someone would come up to her and interrupt her -- as if sitting alone wasn't acceptable. Now, that was nice of that someone and all, but there are times when we do need quiet and solitude. So, she decided to buy a fishing pole and go pretend to fish, knowing that people tend to respect silence when one is fishing. Sure enough, she got her peace and quiet. But a game warden came up to her and asked to see her fishing license. She explained that she didn't have one and that she wasn't fishing. She pulled up her line and showed the weights only -- no hook and no bait. Then she explained that she just wanted solitude and this was the only way she could be left alone. The game warden got a big kick out of that and waved every time she went back to the lake to "fish."

Now, I too got a big laugh over this, but moreso, I was struck by the spiritual significance in the story. how many of us are so sick of the church and its ways of "perfection" that we don our "Christian" clothes to go pose as if we fit in to the church? We do so so that people will leave us alone. As long as they assume we're Christians, they won't bug us about what we believe or how we are or aren't following God. Sometimes I think there is a whole subculture that proclaims the gospel of "fitting in" and "doing good." But Christianity is about more than that and we can't just pose as fishermen or fisherwomen. So how can we be authentically Christian without having to buy a fishing pole to fit in? We can be ourselves. God calls us as we are. God calls us to be ourselves. Sometimes "ourselves" are fickle and "trash mouthed" and sometimes "ourselves" wear less-than-perfect clothes and act in less-than-perfect ways. We don't need to pretend to have it all together. We don't need to pretend to have all of the answers. We don't need to pretend to agree with everything that the pastor says or that our fellow Christians say. We need only to, out of the depths of our hearts, seek the Lord where God may be found. And it's not always where you think it might be.

Vision For the Community

I met with my visioning group yesterday -- the ones who want family ministry -- and really began to sense a vision emerging from this group. Very simply, it's community centered -- a community center on the church grounds. The idea would be to have a building through which to provide classes of every kind FOR the community -- shared ideas included crafting classes, art-based classes, GED classes, foster care classes, health care classes, senior classes, exercise classes, get out of debt classes, healthy cooking classes, wi-fi computer lab, etc. But these aren't spiritual! I'll probably hear. And yet, how "spiritual" can we be if we don't even interact with the real people in our community? How can we make God's love known to those who don't wish to sit through a 1 hour and 10 minute service? One way we can do that is simply by making space for them. I'm considering the possibility of writing grants since we will be serving the community. There is no library or wi-fi out in our neck of the woods . . . people have to drive into town to go to the library. The school system in FL doesn't provide for the public education of those who are not school-aged so this would provide continuing education in many ways. In addition to that, being on church grounds, we could freely offer classes that invite people into theological conversation. To quote my daughter's favorite musician: You get the best of both worlds. -- education and the ability to talk about God freely and openly. Those who are not wanting to be Christian are free to join in educational experiences without worry that they will be accosted.

Now, as I'm looking at this and dreaming about this, I'm aware of 2 things: 1) that right now there is a community center maybe 1 mile away that is not meeting the educational needs of the community; and 2) that right now the Spring Lake community is not quite big enough to be the "center of community" unless community is defined in terms of our neighborhood. But I also know that the public schools are planning to build a new school here in the next year, and in so doing will bring in more people to the community. If the church can be a community center that enhances education, I feel it will also help the neighborhood school to thrive.

So this is what's going on in my little pea brain today. And Im exhausted -- could be that Pepsi I drank last night that kept me up until 1 AM.

Church Bulletins Gone Wild (AKA Art Interpretation)

Last Sunday we celebrated the Baptism of Jesus, reflecting on our own baptisms and the calls associated with them. On the front of our bulletin was this graphic. I thought it was a beautiful image of Jesus' baptism. But members of my church were appalled that we would put on the bulletin cover an image of someone holding up John the Baptist's head that had just been chopped. I still see Jesus' head (they swear it doesn't look like Jesus -- as if we know what Jesus really looked like!) but they see John the Baptist. Guess it's all in the interpretation.

Change the World Through Me

I've been very intentional about encouraging the administrative leadership in the church to continually ask: Where is God at work in this church? And then to reflect upon the question that naturally flows out of that: How can we respond to the One whom we have seen in our hurting world? Last night was our session meeting and once again I challenged people to look and see that God is before us, leading us and guiding us and acting in our rural "old people" church. Sure enough, the leaders were quick to agree that they could see and "feel" God at work in the church. They reflected on the fact that when new officers were needed this year, no one said "no." They also mentioned what an honor it was to serve in the leadership of the church. They confessed the truth to one another: that leadership was also a pain, but that beyond the pain it was truly an honor to be asked to serve God as elders and deacons of the church. It's been an exciting year, watching the Holy Spirit's fire falling on this group of people. To go from asking "is there ANYONE who will serve?" to "Please, pick me!" is awesome. Each one who was called responded "Here I am, Lord. . . . I will go, Lord, where you lead me; I will hold your people in my heart." And each one mentioned the fact that God had saved their lives -- mostly physically -- and in so doing opened their eyes to the awesome wonder of living with the opportunity to choose to reach out to others each day.

I am also meeting with two others in the church who are excited about starting a family ministry here and asking what it will take. Both reflected on the song that we sing at the end of each service: "Take now my life, let me live for Thee; fill me with your power, Lord; Change the world through me." It's an awesome prayer to sing on a weekly basis, but it summarizes who we are and what we are called to be. At our last session meeting we had come to the conclusion that we really wanted to focus this year on the theme: Pass It On and what it means to share our faith with each other. When I mentioned last night the accompanying theme: Change the World Through Me, the session agreed it was exactly where we want to go. The time has come to ask God to fill us, to change us so that our world can also be changed.

The question for me is: Now, how do I lead? And I guess it's my prayer too. To those in cyberspace, I ask your very real prayers for the leadership of this church.

Dealing with Stress

Over the past couple of days, I have heard numerous complaints about one particular member of the congregation. It seems she's doing everybody else's work. And while it's nice to have a do-er, it's no good to have a usurper. The things she's doing are little things, and are probably pretty petty to complain about -- things like paying the guest musician instead of allowing the committee chair to pay her, writing a thank you to helpers instead of letting the chair do it, etc. Normally we in the church say THANK YOU to those who step in and get work done. But the problem is, in doing so she's taking away from the ability of others to learn how to work in the church. She is already chair of the deacons so she has plenty to do, yet she oversees the secretary's work (hovering) and steps in other places making it difficult for people to want to do their work. Enter the pastor. Normally I could easily address the issues with the super-woman, but not this time. She's a woman with some very interesting connections in the church and a direct conversation would be quite difficult. So today she came in my office with yet another idea about something someone else should be doing and I asked her how life was. Everything started out hunky-dory and then she reminded me that her best friend from childhood was dying. And then I understood. She's keeping herself over-busy so she doesn't have to face the stress of losing her best friend. And in knowing that I think I can handle her constant frittering a little better. Sure, she'll still step on toes, but I can be sensitive to what's really going on while redirecting her work. We all deal with stress in our own ways. I just hope to figure out how best to help her confront her stress in a little more healthy way soon. Ideas welcome.