Caring for Myself

This has been a week to concentrate on what I desire and to fill myself up. It has worked. On Monday I met with the executive of the Boys & Girls Clubs in this region and I realized a desire I had to make a difference beyond the local church. Without over-doing it, though, we spent time talking about partnering in God's service and it was quite life-giving to image God's people beyond the local church. For a long time I've been wondering how we can share God's love to the community and this might be a way that we can -- even with our age. I'm asking if God wants us to share our facility with the community, run by community liaisons. And I'm seeing that when church members want to help out, they can read to a child or play a game or just be a stable presence to an at-risk child. What a huge ministry opportunity! So the week began with possibility. It also began with a reminder that what I do is important. I was treated as an executive myself, which was a wonderful feeling. I was treated as if I knew what was needed and as if I played a vital role in the community. I needed that affirmation.

Tuesday I met a friend for breakfast and we both talked about how much we enjoy work and family. -- how when one part was missing, we felt a bit off-center. She's not working this week because of spring break and so her daughter was wrapped around her with tons of love. They had spent a day at the beach and then were heading to the coast again to go to the zoo. Family time is wonderful. I, of course, have the opposite experience -- working this week but without family and I've been a bit off-center, but it's been refreshing, hearing the struggles of the kids on the phone makes me just want to scoop them up again and hug them tight. And spending a little extra time at work has helped me see clearer what needs to happen here.

Wednesday I met a friend for lunch and we spent a couple of hours talking about what God is calling us to be. I suppose that's an oversimplification since it took two hours, but I began to see and spell out my fears -- always of failure -- and made some adjustments to see myself differently and to again allow my needs to be cared for. I enjoyed switching roles for a few moments with my friend and encouraging him to look at his life and to see what God might be saying to him. To be with each other in a common question was extremely life-giving to me. That evening another friend asked me how she could help in what had been a difficult day and within a few hours, she had filled in the gap by giving generously of herself and pastoring me.

Thursday I drove over to visit a local pastor friend and was blessed by his presence as he guided me through the process of letting go of many of the ego-centric voices that clamor to distract me from what's really real. He also helped me see that my worth is invaluable and I should not judge my worth from a paycheck. Then last night I watched 2 movies -- Death at a Funeral, a British comedy that had me rolling, and The Women, a movie from 1939 that spoke volumes about the kinds of relationships women have and create for themselves. Both were just fun, and the types of movies I wouldn't have watched with kids in the house.

This morning I got myself back on my daughter's bicycle (it's nicer than mine) and whereas I made it halfway up the street on Monday, I made it all the way up and back today. Sure, it wasn't far -- a block -- but I did it. Next time I'll go a bit further. The thing was, my seat didn't hurt as badly today. And further, the day is so absolutely beautiful I just soaked it all in on this physical push.

I've got normal stuff to do today -- cleaning, making bows, writing a sermon, watching another movie, sitting in silence, etc. -- but I'm caring for myself and it's an absolutely wonderful, renewing experience. I think I now can be a better mother and wife and teacher and pastor and anything else I choose to be.

And this is the news from Arbuckle Creek, where the frogs have stayed to themselves lately, the mosquito spray truck comes by to unpollute the air of critters every night at 8 (they swear it's not harmful to breathe . . . we'll see) and the Presbyterian pastor is exceedingly blessed (aren't those good religious words?!)