A Light that Shines in the Darkness

I had a couple of really nice services yesterday. I've been sick, so rather than compose another sermon, I orchestrated services with shared leadership. It was really nice. In the morning I used Lessons and Carols, a modern version by Katherine Hawker (which I picked up from www.textweek.com) and in the evening I had a Blue Christmas service for those in my congregation/community who were having a hard time during the holidays. In both, the light that shines in the darkness permeated all of the scripture and themes. For the morning service, the emphasis was on BEING the light and for the afternoon service, the emphasis was on seeing even a glimmer of light in our darkness.

Sometimes I need someone to preach to me. One of the retired pastors in my congregation, a UCC guy, thanked me for the morning service. I had been listening to the readings -- mostly poems -- and noticing how many of them were not exactly your conservative Christian readings. And I got to thinking -- I hope my congregation doesn't get offended. Anyway, this pastor sat by me after the service during fellowship time (usually I'm walking everywhere conversing, but since I was sick, I needed a seat) and he began to tell me what he heard in the readings. "I heard," he voiced, "that the light has been in this world since the beginning of time" (John 1:1 reference) "and that it will fade out if we don't carry it." Suddenly the gospel took on new meanings to me. Jesus showed us how to carry the light. We don't need him to come back and carry it some more. The light is still here. It's still waiting for us to embrace it and shine it to the world. Whether we "reflect" God's light or recognize that it is within us waiting to be ignited, it is here! Maybe I'm not saying it very well, but he spoke much of what I have been feeling. We have a lot to do with how much light can be seen. Answers to prayers can come from God through us. We are not mindlessly wandering the darkness awaiting enlightenment. The light is already here. I guess it pierced me in a new way this season.

Why Am I Getting This Now?

I've been struck by Jesus' use of reversals lately. For some reason it's sinking in at a deeper level lately. All during stewardship season as I preached on generosity I began to understand that you HAVE to give to receive. The whole point of "having" is to be able and willing to give it away. And when you give, more is added. I know it's what Jesus preached, but I have seen it in my own life as I'm learning to trust. Somehow I forget that all that I have belongs to God. Yet when I realize it's not mine, that I am being cared for by one who has more than enough to meet my needs, I'm not afraid to share. A woman called me yesterday while I was at the church and asked how the church is ever going to survive if we keep spending money. Now, let me put this in context for you by telling you that the woman is 89 and the church is behind this year (naturally) but it's an extremely frugal church. Let me also say that the budget is almost identical to the budget 6 years ago and that spending has not gone up. I told the woman that we walk a fine line as the church. We have to be good stewards of what God has given us by practicing careful use of our moneys, but we also have to spend or else we're not doing the ministry God has called us to do. Stewardship is about USING the moneys and gifts God has given us. And when we USE those funds we are also sharing what we've been given, we're practicing generosity and expecting nothing. Yet God continues to give more. She seemed to get it . . . at least for now. And I guess I seem to get it little by little too. I'll clam up and be all scared and then God will remind me to trust. And I'll calm down for awhile.

Something really interesting has been happening. I've been wondering how I'll be able to repay my student loans for divinity school (they've been deferred until now) and I knew I needed a raise of $4000 to make the minimum payment each month (yeah, it's that much . . . thanks, Vandy!). I had already reduced my budget to bare minimum. I've fretted over this for a long time, but other clergy have helped me see it's OK to ask for my needs. My session has been wondering how they are going to do this, but I've found them to be supportive of me. Well, as of tonight, they still haven't made their decision and I realized I wasn't afraid. It turns out my bookkeeper had been underpaying me all this year the equivalent of $4000 and has since corrected her error so, get this, $4000 will be included in what I'm paid next year. There was already enough, I just didn't know it.

This is the reversal God is teaching me. Give, Katie, and trust. Give and trust. Give and trust. There is always enough in God's kingdom.

The reversals are also seen in Nathan's comment on my last post, that perhaps the way in the wilderness is the wilderness itself. Perhaps God isn't "out there" guiding us to the light but is "with us" wherever we might be. Perhaps that answer is always "Emmanuel." Do we need anything more?

Sermon, trial 1

I tried out my sermon ideas at the nursing home today. I can never tell how it goes over by their responses because they are always just happy to see someone who cares enough to visit. I got a great response from my church member who has lived there the last 5 years who was trying to fill me in on the gossip at church -- ah, the grapevine keeps getting smaller! Anyway, I tried out the labyrinth story and realized I really need a visual to tell that story so I may have to use the projector screen for my illustration. The bigger question I have as I have begun reading commentaries is, how do we make a way in the wilderness? It seems that John the Baptizer made the way by hearing confessions and reminding them that God had forgiven them. We in the Presbyterian Church don't listen to confessions very often. We offer a corporate confession which reminds us that we as humanity are sinful and, no matter how pious we may feel, we keep sinning against God and against our neighbors. And so I'm wondering if that's what is at the heart of Mark's gospel -- how do we make a way in the wilderness? Jesus is Mark's obvious fulfiller of Isaiah's prophecy yet for Jesus to come, John had to make a way. John had to begin to do what was right, even though it was counter-cultural. John had to speak the truth when others did not want to see it and eventually beheaded him. John offered a ritual for the forgiveness of sins that was not about animal sacrifice but about being in a right relationship with other people and with God. John made a way in the wilderness. We too have to do that. We've got to make a highway for God-with-us to accompany us on. And along that highway we have to speak the truth, even if our congregations don't want to hear it. We have to speak what God wants us to speak and we have to live as God wants us to live. We've got to be real, change-makers, even if that means putting ourselves on the line. Peace as we wrestle through this week's lectionary together.

Comfort My People

The lectionary texts this week include both Mark's use of Isaiah's "Prepare ye the way of the Lord" in a literal sense as he prepares people to receive Jesus as the Lord AND Isaiah's initial prophecy to "prepare ye the way of the Lord. Make straight in the desert a highway for our God." But the Isaiah text begins, "Comfort my people." In other words -- tell them the good news -- things are changing in a Good way! My congregation doesn't like to hear that things are changing -- they like things the way they've always been. Sure, they'll accept change as it comes, but it's difficult. Their memories are of good times in the past, and we often forget that the "good times" can also live in the present . . . if we will make room for them.

I heard a wonderful quote yesterday from a colleague of mine. "If we always do what we've always done, we'll always get what we've always got." But he continued, "but it will be diminished." In other words, to make a way in the desert we can't simply do what we've always done . . . or we will continue to get lost in the desert. Comfort my people -- tell them that there is a way through the desert . . . there can be a highway for our God!

I'm going to use a story I heard at yesterday's presbytery meeting. A man was working at Montreat and decided to make a labyrinth. He and his 10 year old son laid the tape on a gazebo, then stained it, then removed the tape and there before them was a beautiful labyrinth. The child quickly ran through the labyrinth (even though labyrinths are to be carefully walked through). The second time through he slowed down a bit, making his way to the center to meet God, travelling the twists and turns of the maze. The third time he crossed all of the lines and walked straight to the center. Then he turned to his father and said, "some people think you can skip all of the twists and turns of life and go straight to God, but that's not how it works is it, Dad?"

I appreciated this story, because it reminds us that life is full of twists and turns. It reminds us of how difficult it is to prepare the way of the Lord, to make straight in the desert a highway for God. We start off in our spiritual lives, prepared to make a straight path for God, but then we get caught on curves and twists and turns and we forget our purpose. There's nothing wrong with those twists and turns for through them we are strengthened to continue making that path for God to travel along.

I'm starting here in my sermon preparation this week. I haven't commentaried yet and I'll see where my study takes me, but this is the beginning. Please, share your thoughts as you ask God to help you comfort God's people.