One of Many

It's been one of those weeks where I've been overwhelmed by the spiritual needs in my congregation/community. It's also been one of those weeks where I have felt that God is using me here. Today I met with one of my elders (leaders in the church who just happens to be in her 80s) who was feeling uncertain of her call because she is partially deaf and considers herself more a follower than a leader. We addressed her concerns and ultimately I reminded her that she was called by God and because she was committed to follow to the best of her ability, it would be good. Then another woman came in and told me that she feels God is directing her to do something and she doesn't know what and it's overwhelming her. She's newly retired and newly returned to the church and is doing some major spiritual work right now, wrestling with God about how to forgive and wondering why she is alive and what God wants of her. Then another woman came in and told me she had a creative idea for the children of the church and doesn't know where her ideas are coming from because she's never had a creative bone in her body but all of the sudden, at the age of 76ish, she wants to teach the children in a children's sermon. Then just as she was leaving, a man came in my office and began telling me that he doesn't understand why NOW because he's in the process of foreclosure on his house and his life is not exactly "happy" right now, but he feels that he is in the midst of seriously listening to God's call on his life and wondering how God can use him. Oh, and by the way, can he start a youth group at the church? And I wonder, as I listen to all of these people acknowledging their own commitment to God and willingness to follow, why I am considered their leader. Who am I that the title "Pastor" or "Spiritual Leader" appears on my door, my business card, the church sign? Who am I who doesn't even know how to pray for this church to receive confirmation of God's work here as not just one but MANY admit to me their call and desire to follow God in the world? Who am I? For I am tired and rebellious and stubborn and sloppy and wishy washy. Yet I am so blessed to watch this renewal in the church, to watch as people turn their lives over to Christ not just for a day but for a lifetime. And so, as I headed over to the hospital this evening to visit a man who, I believe, has a body that is ready to die, I wondered how to pray, how to listen, how to hope with this family. And I asked this man how I should pray, wondering inwardly if he just wanted to finally let go. And his response to me was, well, "Rev. Katie, you just take my hand and start talking to God." And with a smile, he took my hand and I began to be his spiritual leader, even though his comment proved to me that he was truly one of my many ministers, just like the committed deaf doubting elder, the newly retired woman struck by God's call on her life, the 76ish lady with the new creative ideas, and the physically poor, spiritually rich man who would love to work with youth. Who am I? I guess I am just one of many ministers in this world. Perhaps God might just use us.