Joy and Its Opposites

I didn't have to preach today and it was WONDERFUL! I still had the opportunity to lead worship via the liturgy and to surround my congregation in prayer, but I didn't have to preach. In the Presbyterian Church (USA), churches without pastors are to observe their candidates for their pastorate from a neutral pulpit. My church was the neutral pulpit and it was so refreshing to hear the scriptural story told from a different point of view. I got to do this a few weeks ago with my friends in California, but it was really nice to experience this in my own congregation. While I "robed up" and sat in the chancel, I got to share worship leadership with someone else. It felt really good. The other part that felt good was that he was right out of seminary and I was the "elder" -- at least in terms of experience (I couldn't tell how old he was.)

But, with the joy of my Sabbath from preaching, I also learned that three of my parishioners had been hospitalized Friday and Saturday. Some people just don't call their pastor or anyone else because they don't want to ruin our weekends. But, as I was bursting with joy, the weight of their sorrow lay heavy on me. I went to visit them right after church and was struck by their fear. One was the man with the pacemaker I had mentioned in a previous post. He had finally gotten a better pacemaker and it kicked him this weekend. Within six weeks he's gone from an active participant in our church and a great genealogist to a man who lays still in bed, afraid he will die. And with the number of heart attacks he's had in the last 6 weeks, it really is a miracle he is still alive. But I don't want him to go. As I stood by his bed in the ICU, I was able to utter "God be with you 'til we meet again" but couldn't bring myself to ask him if he needed to talk about death. It was the elephant in the room with us, hovering. We didn't want to speak it into existence yet both of us knew that it was close, even if it was held at bay. I just want him well! And I've come to love my parishioners so much over these years. I don't want to see another die. The other two were not as critical, but both were afraid and both had wives who were exhausted from spending the night in the ER. I was struck by the many opposites of the Joy I had felt earlier in the day: fear, pain, suffering, exhaustion, sorrow, and the list continues. And so I pray.